Life of the mind can be consumed by thoughts from various avenues that can cloud the mental race for the one whom our thoughts should focus on as believers in Christ Jesus. I found myself in a time of grief as a new mom to a thirty week old precious boy. That meant a lot of things were out of my control. I couldn’t feed him, I couldn’t take him home, and I was only allowed to hold him once a day. The challenges of delivering a premature baby are surreal. I already had so much anxiety from work stress, only to include a nurse pulling the plug on my contraction monitor, a high risk doctor communicating I was not in labor – less than two hours of my son being born, to then having to trust strangers to give the best care to my fragile baby boy.
David was born weighing 3.77 pounds. It is natural for all babies to loose a little bit of weight when they first arrive, and then they should bounce back to their birth weight within approximately two weeks. However, as I watched my son connected to so many wires, tubes, and a C-pap machine for each breathe to develop his lungs, my heart was on edge as a mom when I finally would get the chance to hold him. He would cry and scream just for being moved from the incubator to my arms, and it consumed my inner most being at the helplessness that there was nothing I could do to comfort him in that transition. It broke my heart as I felt so selfish to want to hold him, and that I caused him pain to even be placed on my chest. Then the calm would come, and I wished the hour could have been stretched to so many more.
After David had lost some of his his initial baby weight he began improving with a gain within the first week, and then beginning week two of life he took a turn backwards and started loosing weight daily. When he had dropped down to three pounds, I could not bare the thought for him to continue in that direction with the possibility of loosing his life. I remember driving to the hospital after the doctor had called to report to me the morning of day nine that David had another drop in his weight. I could barely see through the tears as I drove to the hospital as if I were the one who could save my son, and fully knowing I didn’t know what to do more than the doctors. The silence consumed the air around me as I continued to drive, contemplating what to do. The Holy Spirit knew what to do and led me in prayer knowing that I could pray to to the one who created David in my womb and gave him his life in the first place.
I continued my drive through tears as I begged God, “Please, please don’t take my innocent little boy!” I know that he was born with a sin nature, but he was as close to perfection in innocence as I could imagine God’s intention with His creation. In the silence I heard the Lord say, “but Ashley, I gave you my perfect son!” My heart stood still amidst the voice I heard understanding that He is the one who is in control and had given his blameless and sinless son to DIE for me. Romans 11:36 says “For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever. Amen.” It was this defining moment that the Lord wanted me to understand that if David would continue to live, it would be for His glory, and it would be God who sustains his life. It was my heart that also needed to yield to the Lord’s will be done – whatever that may be – for His glory.
As His daughter, I am called to live my life for His purpose and His kingdom, not my own! I had to depend on the Lord to be thankful in all things, all the things that I thought were so traumatic to bring Him glory. Ephesians 5:20 says, “always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father.” For the nurse who pulled the plug on me while I was in labor, I was thankful I got to experience a natural birth and walk away twenty minutes later after the process. I was thankful to be able to encourage the one whose head was lowered when that person knew she had messed up – to purposefully demonstrate God’s love and mercy. I got to be thankful for the nurses and doctors who took care of my son when I could not, who helped save my son and give him the care he could not get at home to survive at that stage of life.
I am thankful for my Mom’s trust as she assisted me moments before the delivery and for getting my husband by my side during the event when no one else was believing me about being in labor. Most of all I am thankful to know that the God who reigns over the universe let me understand on a deeper level in my heart to recognize His gift of life through his son, Christ Jesus. I am thankful for the loving and dedicated husband and father that Mauricio Martins chooses to be to me and David! I am thankful to so many countless prayer warriors who interceded for us then and continue to pray for the life and spiritual salvation of David Martins. Praise God for His children who love Him, because “He first loved us” (1 John 4:19)!
Living Love
- Pray about everything : Philippians 4:6 “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”
- Pray on the behalf of others, especially the saints : Ephesians 6:18 “With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints,
- Look for thankfulness in all things, even when it hurts: Romans 8:26-28 “In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; 27 and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. 28 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”
- Love God with all your mind, heart, and soul: Luke 10: 27 & 28 ” “And he answered, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.” 28 … do this and you will live.”
- Keep running the race to win! Hebrews 12:1 “Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us”.
*All Scripture referenced is from the NASB translation
